First Runner Up

Every single time a girl “beats” me with a guy (i.e. she gets him instead of me) anyone who knows the story and finds her picture on facebook says, “You are so much prettier than she is.” They say this like it instantly heals the wound, like just because I'm prettier than some girl I can't be upset.

It's a consolation prize.

Regardless of who is actually more attractive the fact that I didn't get the guy puts me in second place, and with the red ribbon I get the “prettier” award.

Because in this world only ugly whores get boyfriends.

This is a common phenomenon, really. All the time I hear best friends, good friends, kind of friends, and obliging acquaintances saying “Oh my gosh, you are so much cuter than she is!” when they hear that the person they're talking to didn't quite win the heart of the boy in question.

This, as we all know, is a common occurrence with me. I'm USUALLY second best in the minds of a guy... mostly due to timing but sometimes just because I'm a weirdo and no sane boy would decide that I'm a prime candidate for a girlfriend. And with these common occurrences I hear my friends sincerely say, “You're prettier.” or “Your tits are WAY better.” like that will make me feel better.

IT DOESN'T.

I don't want to be prettier than someone else, I want the boy who's taking them to movies and snuggling with them on couches to be doing that with me. I can dazzle myself in the mirror until the cows come home but it's not going to squelch that awful lonely feeling I get when I'm lying in bed at night...

...Um, anyways, I have started to say, “Thanks for the consolation prize,” to the friends who offer this form of comfort whenever I'm passed over for another lady.

Until tonight.

See, tonight I was at a friend's house (Bromansion) and through a conversation a boy who DEFINITELY passed me over for another girl (This was because of timing; he had broken up with a girlfriend of three years six months before we met and AS we began to cultivate a relationship that could stray from friendship to lover-ship she re-entered the picture and wanted him back... He took her back because Love doesn't just disappear six months after an unexpected break-up.) Whatever, I've made my peace with the situation because we're still good friends.

THE POINT IS during a conversation this boy said the following in a tone that couldn't be dripping more with sarcasm;

“I DEFINITELY don't want to have sex with you!”

Which, for those of you who have no idea what sarcasm means translates to:

“I want to have sex with you.”

I am literally giddy about this. I told my roommates the second I got home. I want to shout it from the rooftops. The crippling loneliness has left my side for the evening because THIS BOY wants to sleep with me. He thinks I'm pretty.

Now yeah, technically, this is a consolation prize. Instead of DATING this boy, I'm just super sexually attractive to him... the definition of getting something small for competing.

Except, just because this comes from him and not from a bunch of girls in committed relationships, it's fine in my book. Which is bad. I shouldn't suddenly be okay because the guy I'm mostly infatuated with is attracted to me- if he's so attracted we should be GOING OUT, not sometimes meeting up for drinks and making eye contact OFTEN. (Seriously, we make an unusual amount of eye contact during parties.) But I'm accepting it. I'm letting one sarcastic comment raise my self esteem and make me feel better about being single.

(Also, I don't think I'd actually say, “Thanks for the consolation prize” to him. I'm not THAT sassy.)

So yes, I should raise my standards and stop letting boys affect my self esteem. I should stop letting where I place in the game of love govern my self image.

But let's be honest. I won't.