An Undelivered Letter

To you.
Because I'm thinking of you.

I'm sorry if it's weird that it's been so long and I still think about you, but our relationship was... special.  And I'm sorry if you think it's stupid that I said that.
It's just, we kind of fell into being each other's lives.  At least, for me, quite suddenly you were day and night, and not being near you or knowing where you were or what you were doing was odd.
You cleared the snow off my car for me.
You made me breakfast in bed.
I loved the fireflies in the wallpaper, and the hipster's paradise.
And Gus and Maggie.  And Thos.

I loved you.

And it's a song, one song that reminds me that I was SO happy that I was weird in High School, and that Tyler didn't want to date me, and that Nolan only thought of me as a friend.
You made everything make sense.

Now don't you dare take this as me wanting to get back together.  I don't.  My life is on a different path now because we aren't together.
I like this path.
But I just want you to know, for whatever reason, that I think about us sometimes, and I miss it in a way.
I miss the certainty in laying awake talking to you or building a fort with you, or even in asking you if you want a break.
I miss us.

And, because I'm a lady, I'm going to say this:  it's not my fault things didn't work out.  You ended it.  I don't want the blame anymore.

Aren't we happier now anyways?

Your little yellow bird,
Me

To Do List

Whatever, no one needs to know this but no one knows I have this blog.

Except Sammi Jo, but she's sitting next to me.  Watching me write it.  So I guess she knows now.

The point is, there are things I NEED TO GET DONE.  Like:

Write a paper for Shakespearean Drama.
Get elusive W2's.
Write Spanish essay.
Read two acts of random play.
Sleep???

So yeah.  That's my list.  Mostly for me, but hey, maybe some lonely person out there is super interested in what I do with every second of my day.

What goes around... SUCKS

Karma is a bitch.

A dirty, awful bitch who can't just leave well enough alone.

So... and I don't really want to be doing this... but I'm so sorry world that I complained about being broken up with in a palace.  I should not have been so bitter or whiny about the whole ordeal.





So, Karma...  Can I be free from your curse of "Dose of Own Medicine-ism"?

And then later...

I'm mad at everyone.  EVERYONE.  I'm mad at my friends for being childish demon bitches that can't just keep their goddamn mouths shut.  I'm mad at my family for not spending more time with me.  I'm mad at my roommates for expecting me to do the dishes AGAIN just because I'm the person who gets sick of the yelling fastest.  I'm mad at the world.

See, I'm having a party, and all of the people who were supposed to be coming for me, aren't.  So I'm going to be totally alone at a party with all of my roommate's stupid friends.

The best part is, I'm moderately okay with hating them all.  There's this depressed part of me that feels like even if they showed up they'd be disappointing anyways.  So there, I'm sitting on my couch, all dressed up, with no one to see me.  Except that creepy guy who keeps showing up and no one knows who he's friends with...

"Treat it as a "Oh well, I tried" scenario"

Welcome to my entire life.

"I tried" and then I laugh about it later.

Expect I'm not laughing this time.  I'm kind of the opposite of laughing.  I'm sucking laughs in.  I'm stealing them from orphans and happy old people.
Why the hell can't I just be happy about being single?  The best part is how I constantly berate others for "needing" a boyfriend/girlfriend.  Guess what girls and boys, I'M A HYPOCRITE!  I tell you things I can't practice myself!

I'm going to be such a good mom.